Thursday, June 23, 2005

Farewell, Britain

I’m still in Heathrow, but the end is near. By the time I finish writing this I will have been here for about 15.5 hours. I remember when I thought my 10-hour layover en route to Spain was out of control!

One of the things I’ve decided after this year is that I may be burned out on super-low-budget traveling. I’ve overnighted in so many airports and spent so much of my life on cheap buses in the last five months (is that all?) that in the future I may be willing to shell out more money in order to not give up my sanity for long periods of time just to get from point A to point B. But it was fun in a way, and I would like to take this moment to simultaneously thank and smack easyJet, RyanAir, and

In fact, there are a few other things I’d like to mention. Farewell, Scotch eggs, Cornish pasties, meat pies, and wild crisp flavors such as “roast lamb with mint sauce.” Farewell, black pudding, haggis, neeps, and tatties. Farewell, Dairy Milk and Jelly Babies. Farewell, social acceptability of dipping things in mayonnaise. Farewell, nice biscuits, chip shops, “spag-bol,” English breakfasts, and deep-fried Mars bars. Farewell, mystery that is mincemeat. Farewell, tea and pudding being much more than tea and pudding.

Farewell, BBC, ITV, and channel 4. Farewell, Coronation Street, Eastenders, Emmerdale, Doctors, and Neighbours. Farewell, Big Brother. Farewell, Makosi, Kemal, Derek, and Roberto. Farewell, Roberto’s sexy voice and tight underpants. Farewell, Maxwell, Anthony, Saskia, Science, Vanessa, and Craig. Farewell, channel 5 and your risqué documentary programming.

Farewell, Jordan, Peter Andre, Jonathan Ross, Suranne Jones, Richard & Judy, David Walliams, Matt Lucas, Javine, Davina McCall, Dermot O'Leary, Busted, McFly, Charlotte Church, Cat Deeley, Edith Bowman, and Nigel Harman. Farewell, Heat magazine and those who populate your pages.

Farewell, ore-GAH-no, to-MAH-to, ba-NAH-na, and PAP-rika. Farewell, wanker, slapper, numpty, slag, bint, and pillock. Farewell, mobile, trolley, bin, bum, WC, knickers, trousers, bollocks, and “cheers!” Farewell, double decker buses, pubs, rugby, and real football.

Farewell, Exodus, Oh Henry’s, Espionage, Revolution, and all the church pubs. Farewell, Belmont, Vue, and UGC. Farewell, driving on the other side of the road. Farewell, pounds, quid, tenners, fivers, and pence. Farewell, horrific exchange rate. Farewell, recreational queuing. Farewell, Union Street, Belmont Street, and Great Western Road. Farewell, flat. We had a lot of great times together.

Farewell, University of Aberdeen. We never got along, but you still managed to teach me a thing or two.

Farewell, blog -- this one, anyway. I didn’t update you as often as I could have, but I did the best I could. For the rest of you, they may not be in Scotland, but I’ll keep on having adventures and keep on writing about them on and if you’re interested. I have nothing but love and appreciation for anyone who took the occasional peek at this blog throughout the year.

Farewell, every single person I met this year. I'll never forget you even if you forgot about me five minutes later. Farewell, those who stuck around and became my friends. It meant everything.

Farewell, Britain. We laughed, we cried, we learned to love. I’ll never forget the time we had together.


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