Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Already
Tonight is my last night in Aberdeen. At 10 AM tomorrow morning, I’m hopping on a train to London and flying back to the country I came from. From the moment I got off the plane in London way back in September, I’ve been keeping a mental countdown of the months, then days I had left before going back to America. So how did this still manage to sneak up on me?
I think Aberdeen knew I was leaving and decided to make my last day in town one of the most beautiful I’ve seen in the last 10 months. The sun was shining, the trees were green, the heat was kept in check by a nice breeze. Laura and I had a drink outside and I didn’t think it was possible I would be leaving something so familiar in 21 hours. It’s part of the reason I haven’t been all that choked up about my impending departure -- I just don’t believe it’s real. Denial is not just a River in Egypt. (In fact, it’s not a river at all -- it’s a coping mechanism. The Egyptian river in question is actually called “the Nile.” Impress your friends!)
Now it’s starting to sink in. My goodbye party should be getting started in a few hours. My room is totally empty. The sun is setting outside (where else?) and I’m thinking, This is the last time I’ll look out this window and watch the sun set. Everyone I know who’s still in town is coming over tonight and when I came home this afternoon, Rosie saw me and screamed, “SHIT!” and dashed into her bedroom with something, came out, and “innocently” announced, “Nothing is going on. Don’t go in there or you’ll ruin the surprise.” I told her, “Never play poker.”
How is it tonight already? I just don’t get it. I remember trying to wrap my mind around leaving America. I remember being scared and lonely when I first got here. I remember doing all right when it came to making a few friends. I remember thinking it might as well be forever before I’m home again because it’s too far away to conceive, but when it’s all over it will have been the biggest thing I’ve ever accomplished. And now I’m going home tomorrow? I did it? Already?
I’m not trying to sound disappointed. I just can’t believe it. And I am disappointed, but not because it wasn’t as massive an accomplishment as I imagined it would be. I am disappointed because it was massive, and it’s almost over. Ooh, here comes another wave of denial again...ahh, that’s better.
Already, however, I’m starting to realize what a mess I’m going to be in 15 hours.
I think Aberdeen knew I was leaving and decided to make my last day in town one of the most beautiful I’ve seen in the last 10 months. The sun was shining, the trees were green, the heat was kept in check by a nice breeze. Laura and I had a drink outside and I didn’t think it was possible I would be leaving something so familiar in 21 hours. It’s part of the reason I haven’t been all that choked up about my impending departure -- I just don’t believe it’s real. Denial is not just a River in Egypt. (In fact, it’s not a river at all -- it’s a coping mechanism. The Egyptian river in question is actually called “the Nile.” Impress your friends!)
Now it’s starting to sink in. My goodbye party should be getting started in a few hours. My room is totally empty. The sun is setting outside (where else?) and I’m thinking, This is the last time I’ll look out this window and watch the sun set. Everyone I know who’s still in town is coming over tonight and when I came home this afternoon, Rosie saw me and screamed, “SHIT!” and dashed into her bedroom with something, came out, and “innocently” announced, “Nothing is going on. Don’t go in there or you’ll ruin the surprise.” I told her, “Never play poker.”
How is it tonight already? I just don’t get it. I remember trying to wrap my mind around leaving America. I remember being scared and lonely when I first got here. I remember doing all right when it came to making a few friends. I remember thinking it might as well be forever before I’m home again because it’s too far away to conceive, but when it’s all over it will have been the biggest thing I’ve ever accomplished. And now I’m going home tomorrow? I did it? Already?
I’m not trying to sound disappointed. I just can’t believe it. And I am disappointed, but not because it wasn’t as massive an accomplishment as I imagined it would be. I am disappointed because it was massive, and it’s almost over. Ooh, here comes another wave of denial again...ahh, that’s better.
Already, however, I’m starting to realize what a mess I’m going to be in 15 hours.
