Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Down time

Yeah, so I haven’t posted in a while. I still don’t know exactly why that is, but maybe I’ll figure it out if I just start writing again. Let me catch you up on what’s been going on with me for the last 3 weeks.

The day after Boxing Day, I got on a train back to Aberdeen (actually, the first of three trains). 9 hours later, I dragged my suitcase up the stairs to my flat and Luke was there waiting for me. We spent the week together. What can I say about his visit? It was amazing. Perfect. Everything I spent so much time daydreaming about. Except that it was only one week instead of a thousand.

I haven’t felt like myself this month. I don’t know how much of it has to do with Luke coming and going. Seeing Luke in Aberdeen was like a crossover between two of my favorite television shows. Worlds collided, I tell you. And when I said goodbye to him, I found myself wishing I could go with him not just because I didn’t want to let go of him again, but because for the first time since my initial culture shock, I wanted more than anything to be back in America.

Maybe there’s nothing strange about wanting to go back to your home country after being away from it for almost five months. Maybe this feeling is just one of many factors that have led me to spend all month asking myself, “What am I doing here?”

Everything has changed since classes ended for the holidays in December. Everyone I know scattered across the country to their respective hometowns, and since New Year’s Eve they’ve been coming back one by one and they’re so different. Or maybe I’m the one acting different. Since I came back to Aberdeen, I haven’t felt all that comfortable hanging out with people. I’ve only been out a few times since New Year’s Eve. In more straightforwardly social situations, it’s become even harder.

Speaking of New Year’s Eve, I haven’t had any alcohol since then because on that night, for the second time since moving to Scotland, I got Too Drunk and ever since then I’ve felt completely turned off to drinking. After New Year’s I set a date to be okay with drinking again: January 20th, my birthday. Even then, it's unlikely my drinking will achieve the heights it reached in December ever again. Not only do I not miss it, but do you have idea how much money I’ve been saving?

Oh yeah, tomorrow is my 22nd birthday tomorrow! Hooray!

There have been good things going on this month. I’ve been to the cinema nearly every day for the past two weeks. All the good movies that get nominated for all the awards come out in December in America, but over here they all come out in January. So it’s only the last few weeks that I’ve been able to see films like Million Dollar Baby, I ♥ Huckabees, Sideways, Closer, The Aviator, Being Julia, etc. In that respect, it’s been a goooooood month for me.

Also, I have dived headfirst into my Buffy the Vampire Slayer education. Pip, as the proud owner of all seven Buffy box sets, is my professor. So far, I’ve watched season 6, then seasons 1-4 in order. I’m not just an addict. I’m a full-blown junkie, yo. I want to know everything there is to know. I listen to all the commentaries and everything. Why have I never seen this show before? How did I ever get by without it? Shit.

I bought tickets to fly out to Spain next month. I’m terrified at the prospect of going by myself to a country where I don’t speak the language, but at least I’ll have Jen to guide me. I showed her the glory of Aberdeen, and she in turn will open my eyes to the wonders of Cadiz. (I’ll let you know if that sentence is sarcastic or not when I get back.) (Just kidding, Jen! Seriously, there’s no way Cadiz will not be prettier than Aberdeen.)

Well, I have to wrap this up or I’ll be writing for hours, but I am going back to the “every day if possible” blogging routine. As for why I didn’t post for the last 3 weeks, all I can tell you is that I’ve been feeling kinda down and kinda lost (things I have not finished bothering you with, I’ll have you know) and I didn’t have it in me. Sorry! Thank you to those of you who are still with me!


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