Friday, December 10, 2004

It's over...for now

Today I finished my last essay for the semester and theoretically the last essay I will ever have to write about something I don't care about. Yes, it was another one of those "start writing the night before" deals. I just can't do it any other way. I finished writing at 9:30 AM, walked all the way to uni, turned it in, and got halfway home before realizing that I had forgotten to turn in my library books before 10:30 AM. So I walked back, returned my books, was charged a fine, walked home, went to sleep. Woke up. Felt yucky. Still do. I've pretty much stopped asking myself why I always do this.

Actually, let's go over what I did. I didn't just put this off until the day before. Yesterday was the day before, and after waking up and walking Jen to the bus station, I went back to bed until mid-afternoon. Then I woke up and rolled around on Rosie's bed for a couple of hours, moaning about what a travesty it was that I had completely missed out on daylight for the day. Then I spent a few hours on the internet trying to figure out how to get home from Wetton, England in time to pick up Luke from the airport on the 27th. I will explain more about this in a minute. By then it was 5 PM and I was going over the facts in my head: No research. No sources. No motivatation. An hour away from the library. Due tomorrow. This is doable, right?

So I walked all the way to the library. I could have taken the bus and gotten there in 10 minutes, but maybe this should tell you something about how hard I was trying hard to put this off as long as possible. At the library, I checked out two books related to my topic and found I was totally offended that this act wasn't enough to earn me a stellar grade. I mean it. I was so annoyed. After all, I was holding in my hands all the information I would put in my paper. All I had to do was read the facts and arrange them in a slightly different order. Was that last step really so necessary? Yeah. I'm really good at this. Procrastinating, I mean.

Since I was feeling so entitled and proud of myself after going through all the effort of checking out my two books, I decided I had earned the extra hour I could procrastinate if I walked home and "worked" there instead of just doing it at the library.

And then, well, I ran into Louis. He was on his way to Oh Henry's. Obviously, I had to go with him. Everyone else we knew was at some sort of dinner and he didn't want to sit around by himself until they made it out. The bottom line is, I left Oh Henry's around midnight. I think the more outrageous my procrastination became, the less it bothered me because it didn't seem real. How did it happen, exactly, that I was sitting in a bar eating candy -- they gave us candy -- at 11 PM the night before an essential essay was due?

It gets worse. See, I have this thing about writing essays. I have such a hard time that I find it necessary to reward myself throughout the process in order to keep myself from perishing instantly. 9 times out of 10, this reward takes the form of food. Last essay I wrote, I went crazy until I bought two huge multipacks of crisps and ate them all in one sitting. Then I felt so bad about myself that I found sufficient motivation to finish writing. Maybe that's why I do this to myself. God, how sad and gross. Why am I writing about this on the internet?

Anyway, it gets worse. So I went to the 24-hour to buy some crisps because they are my secret weapon for academic productivity, but I only had my bank card, and I had to spend a minimum amount, and the bottom line is I got a lot of crisps. A LOT. So when I got home, Rosie and Jo were watching music videos on some of the new channels we just got. Obviously, I had to have a seat and watch one or two videos. I looooooooove music videos. I used to keep up with them back home but I'm totally out of the loop now. Britney, Gwen, Beyonce (she's hanging out with those other losers again but I don't buy it for a second), Kylie... Mountains of crisps...

Anyway, then it was 3:30 AM. I thought maybe it was time to commit to either writing this thing or now. Since I had already decided to fail my other class, I decided not to be a total disgrace and write this one.

That's the story of how I faced adversity but came through triumphant in the end. I learned a lot about myself along the way, such as the fact that I am a lazy fuck and a fat pig. I will carry these lessons with me as I waddle (slowly) down the road of life.


<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?