Saturday, December 04, 2004
By failing, I succeed...discuss
I can't believe December is here already. I mean, I knew it came after November and all that, but how can it be so close to the end of the year already? I kinda thought November would never end, because I had all these huge essays to write and I had to sort out those issues with my Celtic class and I had money troubles, and on top of that we're all looking forward to Christmas and everyone knows the more you look forward to something the longer it takes to arrive. Now all of a sudden it's December!
Even though I missed the first 7 weeks of my Celtic class, I actually find it much easier to get into and want to learn more about than my wretched Viking history class. While I've caught up sufficiently in my Celtic class, I've decided to take the plunge and just fail my Viking history class. It goes against every "good student" instinct in my body, but it's just not worth it. Since leaving high school, I've developed other instincts that tell me it's stupid to suffer so much for something so pointless. For once, that's not a dig at the history department -- it's just that none of the classes I'm taking this semester have any relevance to my degree.
I know how this sounds, and it's not good. But it's not that I refuse to put any effort into something that doesn't immediately and directly benefit me. For months, I really went for it, thinking even if I'd never studied these subjects before, I could get a top grade if I just worked hard enough. But it just wasn't realistic -- for one thing, it's just a cultural difference that students here don't freak out if they don't get a perfect score like they do in America. Grading is strict, and people are satisfied if they get the average mark. But I don't think you see many American students feeling great about getting a C+ on a major assignment.
Anyway, I am still putting time and effort into getting something out of these courses. Like I said, I still do my best not to miss any lectures or tutorials, and I do use my brain while I'm there. I'm just putting limits on how miserable I'm willing to make myself for the sake of a good grade. What that means right now is that I've written two essays for Celtic and English, but I passed on turning in the massive research paper that counts for 30% of my Viking history grade. Killing myself over school isn't the reason I came here, and even though it may look like I'm just wasting time over here, to me it's more meaningful to spend time meeting new people, learning about them, learning about this country and its culture, and letting the creative energy flow. You know, all that gay stuff.
I remember starting to realize a lot of these things a few weeks ago, when I was having a panic attack over this English essay, and I freaked out to Marianne, "I'm so useless! Why did I waste so much time writing that fucking screenplay instead of starting this essay earlier?" I quickly realized the insanity of that question and decided it would be best to go clubbing every night for three weeks straight. Oh wait, those revelations were separate. What I'm trying to say is, I'm not an alcoholic. Half the time when I go out I don't drink at all, okay? I'm just a dance machine!
Anyway. I'm going to try and post more often. I seem to have fallen into the trap of dismissing everyday life as too trivial to write about and I end up writing entries like this over and over. In fact, I'm sure all of you want to hear every detail about how Rosie bought a huge new television and after she set it up I crawled inside the empty box and took a nap. Stay tuned!
Even though I missed the first 7 weeks of my Celtic class, I actually find it much easier to get into and want to learn more about than my wretched Viking history class. While I've caught up sufficiently in my Celtic class, I've decided to take the plunge and just fail my Viking history class. It goes against every "good student" instinct in my body, but it's just not worth it. Since leaving high school, I've developed other instincts that tell me it's stupid to suffer so much for something so pointless. For once, that's not a dig at the history department -- it's just that none of the classes I'm taking this semester have any relevance to my degree.
I know how this sounds, and it's not good. But it's not that I refuse to put any effort into something that doesn't immediately and directly benefit me. For months, I really went for it, thinking even if I'd never studied these subjects before, I could get a top grade if I just worked hard enough. But it just wasn't realistic -- for one thing, it's just a cultural difference that students here don't freak out if they don't get a perfect score like they do in America. Grading is strict, and people are satisfied if they get the average mark. But I don't think you see many American students feeling great about getting a C+ on a major assignment.
Anyway, I am still putting time and effort into getting something out of these courses. Like I said, I still do my best not to miss any lectures or tutorials, and I do use my brain while I'm there. I'm just putting limits on how miserable I'm willing to make myself for the sake of a good grade. What that means right now is that I've written two essays for Celtic and English, but I passed on turning in the massive research paper that counts for 30% of my Viking history grade. Killing myself over school isn't the reason I came here, and even though it may look like I'm just wasting time over here, to me it's more meaningful to spend time meeting new people, learning about them, learning about this country and its culture, and letting the creative energy flow. You know, all that gay stuff.
I remember starting to realize a lot of these things a few weeks ago, when I was having a panic attack over this English essay, and I freaked out to Marianne, "I'm so useless! Why did I waste so much time writing that fucking screenplay instead of starting this essay earlier?" I quickly realized the insanity of that question and decided it would be best to go clubbing every night for three weeks straight. Oh wait, those revelations were separate. What I'm trying to say is, I'm not an alcoholic. Half the time when I go out I don't drink at all, okay? I'm just a dance machine!
Anyway. I'm going to try and post more often. I seem to have fallen into the trap of dismissing everyday life as too trivial to write about and I end up writing entries like this over and over. In fact, I'm sure all of you want to hear every detail about how Rosie bought a huge new television and after she set it up I crawled inside the empty box and took a nap. Stay tuned!
